What do you do when one of your closest friends starts dating your brother? It's one of the most awkward situations you can find yourself in. Yet, for me, they are both so important to me I don't want to say anything, but my resentment to them for putting me in this situation seems to only grow. I keep wishing something would change, they would find out that they don't actually like each other as much as they do. But maybe that's being selfish. I don't want to loose a friend, and as his sister, no matter the situation he'd expect me to side with him. I don't want this awkwardness to continue, but it seems it won't stop.
How do you measure pain? Can you justify sadness on another persons behalf. If an acquaintance, someone you graduated with and grew up with, lost a younger sibling, one you weren't particularly fond of, can you still justify the horrible feeling of distress you feel when you think of it. The gut wrenching sobs that threaten, can you justify those. Some people tell me I'm being a drama queen, but my sadness is epic. I can only imagine the pain she is going through.
Spero Meliora- Hope is everything
I think of my motto and try to live by it. I can only hope for the best and deal with things as they happen, regardless of whether I want to change them or not. Compared to so many my situations are rather pathetic. I feel so fake when I talk to my friend now, I want to scream at her and tell her to stop being so selfish, but again, it could just be me being selfish. I want to cry, but every time I try someone I love cheers me up. It would appear that my loved ones dislike it when I cry, this is a very touching development, but one I don't know what to do about. I need to cry, I need to suffer the tears that have threatened to spill since Monday.
Reading over this entry makes me feel like an emo, but I know I'm just dealing with too much right now, in a couple days the sky will be blue again.
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